A Chaotic Encounter
by Curry Spice
Summary: Harry, Hermione, and Ron step into Diagon Alley and decide to lunch in the area - on the Muggle side. When a visit to a nearby bookstore introduces them to a crowd fans lining up for autographs, dressed in HP costumes, our Muggle world clashes with their
1. The Entrance

            Hermione Granger sipped at her lemonade thirstily as soon as the large, pink-faced man handed it to her with a cheerful smile and found a table, trusting that Harry would help Ron at the counter. It was a sweltering hot August day and she was grateful that the café was air-conditioned. Her best friends Harry Potter and Ron Weasley were ordering their meals and she set down her bag before settling into a white plastic chair. She looked through the glass and watched the Muggles weave in and out of shops, most carrying water bottles. She glanced at the Leaky Cauldron, the small, shabby looking shop overshadowed on either side by a huge, hulking bank, and a bright looking department store. It never ceased to amaze her how she'd never even noticed it before she'd received her Hogwarts letter.

            Harry sat down at the table and started on his fish and chips as Ron set down his plate, mouth already occupied with chewing his hamburger. 

            "So what are we up to?" Harry asked, opening his cola. 

            Hermione shrugged, "I don't know… how much time do we have?"

            "My mum said they'd meet us at Flourish & Blott's at four-thirty," Ron informed them, "That would give us two and a half hours… maybe we could see one of those movlies or something? Do they have those around here?" He looked between his friends eagerly. 

            Harry shrugged, "I've only been to the movies twice with the Dursleys… and both times we weren't anywhere around here."

            Hermione looked out the window thoughtfully, "I think there's a cinema about a block down…" She swept her quick gaze over all the stores and stopped at the sight of a large banner hanging over Bernard's Books that read, "Special guests J.K. Rowling, Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint, Emma Watson and more, 10:30AM to 6PM" and a young man with dyed red hair wearing a what looked like a black, unfastened cotton bathrobe join the excited looking queue of customers that she could see milling around the shop. The sight lifted her spirits instantly.

            "Do you guys mind if we stop at that store over there?" she asked pleadingly, pointing out the window, "I haven't been in a Muggle bookstore in ages…" 

            Harry and Ron exchanged knowing looks and Ron turned to her, "You best know exactly what you're getting…"

            "Because we won't stay longer than ten minutes." Harry finished. 

            "Five." Ron amended, throwing him an exasperated look. Hermione frowned.

            "That's not fair, I waited twenty minutes for you guys outside Quality Quidditch Supplies! And you didn't even buy anything!" she cried heatedly. Ron opened his mouth to retort.

            "Fine. But remember, we're still going to that cinema so don't take too long." Harry cut in before Ron could speak. Hermione smiled happily and waited for the two to finish eating.

-:- -:- -:-

            "Muggles sure love reading, don't they?" Ron said sarcastically as they crossed the street and found themselves caught the large crowd trying to get into the shop. "Must be bloody bonkers."

            "Don't be silly, Ron. Look at the sign," Hermione said, pointing to the banner. Ron looked up, shading his eyes from the sun with one hand.

            "So what?" he asked stubbornly. Hermione grabbed his hand and Harry's elbow and pulled them through the crowd rudely. They entered the shop and she led them towards the row of bestsellers.

            "There must be someone here doing booksignings or something," she muttered, pointing out the obvious. A boy of about 16 sporting perfectly round, black, plastic spectacles and a bright orange, thick mark to one side of his forehead knocked right into Ron. 

            He straightened up and looked the three of them up and down, impressed, "That's pretty good!" He smiled at them and left.

            "Er…" Harry said, looking after him with raised eyebrows, "Was it just me or did he have an orange marker stain on his head?" Hermione smiled and shook her head. Ron looked around.

            "Something weird is going on…" he said uncertainly.

            "Let's get on that line and ask," Hermione suggested, excited at the prospect of a new investigation. They moved to the end of the line.

            "There are way too many people with those glasses in here…" Ron said, looking vaguely frightened.

            "And no offense but a lot of people with fake red hair," Harry added after a boy with chocolate colored skin and an orange wig strolled by. 

            Hermione tapped the girl in front of her as they spoke and asked, "Excuse me? But what's this for?" The girl stared at her for a moment and then laughed.

            "Ha! That's funny. That's a good one, no one's ever tried that. I'm Christine Balch, you are…?" she asked, stretching out a hand. Hermione shook it with a small smile.

            "I'm Hermione Granger. I don't understand—"

            The girl interrupted her with another laugh, "Well, you're just full of them, aren't you? I'm Hermione Granger too. But what's your real name?"

            "Her name's Hermione, she already told you!" Ron exclaimed. He looked increasingly distressed by the peculiar crowd and the conversation. He was sure he'd heard someone say, "Harry Potter". The girl swept her eyes over his attire, from the shock of red hair, over the old blue jumper and trousers, to the battered trainers on his feet. She smiled.

            "You could have done better, you know. Like… even throwing a nice, black, cape over that," she pointed to his Muggle jumper, "would have made the whole look more realistic. Otherwise, you're a natural."

            Ron stared at her.

            Hermione frowned in confusion.

            Harry stepped forward, "If you don't mind me asking, what exactly is this for? Who are _they_?" he pointed to two boys and a girl a few years younger than them who stood at the very front of the line, smiling and taking pictures with very enthusiastic fans. The girl looked him up and down as well and cocked her head to the side.

            "You're actually looking very good. I like the glasses, they've got a genuine look to them. The hair's good, kind of messy but you still get the shaggy style… the only thing is… the scar. It's really on the right side of the forehead, yours is too close to the center. And the color – it's a little too dark." She beamed at him and pat his arm as though to console him for this tainting flaw. Harry was beet red, and from the second she'd mentioned his scar he's started to smooth down his bangs.

            "Let's get out of here," Ron suggested fearfully. He looked like a claustrophobic sealed in a cardboard box as he bit his lip nervously and threw everyone wary looks out of the corner of his eye.

            Hermione, ever eager to solve a problem, turned her back on the girl who was now criticizing the attire of a frizzy-haired brunette, and smiled at the man behind them. "Excuse me, but would you be so kind as to tell us what this is all about?" she asked politely. He gave her an irritable look and examined their attire.

            "Well," he glanced at them each suspiciously, obviously thinking this was some immature prank, and pointed to the three figures up ahead, "Well, them three – Watson, Grint, and Radcliffe, they're the stars of that darn Harry Potter film. I get on this blasted line just to get a bloody book autographed for my Rachel, and there they are, taking bloody pictures!! As if they don't do that enough already…" he trailed on.

            Three jaws dropped simultaneously.

-:- -:- -:-

A/N: Well, that's the end… a cliffie.

I'm not exactly sure where I'm going with this, it just came to me and I had to get it down. This probably wasn't much of a Riddikulus fic but I didn't know where else to put it – it's not romance so that ruled out Astronomy Tower, it's not lengthy enough for Schnoogle, and it is by no means TheDarkArts.org material.

I hope you liked it! If you want to sample anymore of my writing, check out "Turn Me Green, Kiss Me Pink" at Schnoogle.com  and "Living The Riddled Life" at TheDarkArts.org.

Please review, it'll encourage me to write faster!


	2. A Plan

Chapter 2 – A Plan

-:- -:- -:-

Harry was the first to snap out of it.

            "Excuse me, but _which _movie?" he asked skeptically. Hermione composed herself and nudged Ron who quickly assumed a politely curious expression, confusion evident in all of their eyes.

            "The _Harry Potter_ movie," he answered suspiciously, "You kids better not be playing some—"

            "Thankyou, sir." Hermione cut in quickly, rushing towards a staircase leading up to the second floor, beckoning for Harry and Ron to follow. They took one last look around and made their way up the stairs to the deserted, except for a graying man slowly sifting through the shelves, history section.

            "Harry Potter movie?? This has got to be some prank. I bet Fred and George are right around that shelf over there!" Ron burst out insanely as soon as they'd seated themselves at a table in the back. 

            "Shh!! _Ron, be_ _quiet_—" Hermione started, looking alarmed.

            "No, Hermione. _I will not be bloody quiet_! We're in a Muggle bookstore and there are people here who want autographs from the stars of the Harry Potter movie!" he cried heatedly, not lowering his voice.

            "Well thanks ever so much for recapping the last episode, Ron. In today's show, we'll see just how—" 

            "I want to know what's going on!" Ron interrupted her. Harry set his glasses down on the table and rubbed his eyes.

            "Well, guess what? So do I!" Hermione cried indignantly.

            "Will you both just shut up!!" Harry yelled. They heard a faint 'shhh' coming from the biography section on the other side of the floor and looked up to see people glaring at them, annoyed.

            "Sorry!" Harry called, giving his friends icy looks, "Okay. We have to figure out what's going on…"

            "Yes. Let's… let's get our information together…" Hermione suggested quietly, embarrassed at her outburst. She pulled a piece of parchment from her bag of purchases and Harry produced a Muggle fountain pen from his pocket. 

            "Ready." Hermione said, looking at them expectantly. They stared at the parchment.

            "Er… the man said that there was a Harry Potter film…" started Ron. Hermione smiled.

            "That's a start, _'Harry Potter film.' _" she read out as she wrote.

            "It's a book signing." Harry put in.

            " _'Book signing' _"

            "And people want pictures."

            " _'Pictures, autographs'_ "

            "We're in a Muggle store."

            "Yeah, that's important."

            "Yes, it is… _'Muggle manage…'_ hold on… what if this _isn't_ a Muggle establishment?" Hermione asked excitedly, "Why don't we ask to see the manager?? I bet this place is owned by wizards!"

            "But the people are Muggles…" Ron reminded them. Harry, who appeared quite distressed, just buried his head in his arms. Hermione pulled it back up and looked at them thoughtfully.

            "You know, we don't know that they're _all _Muggles, there could be some magical people down there, urging the whole thing on."

            "Yeah, I bet they're making a whole load of money out of this!" Ron exclaimed, "The movies are probably about Harry and You-Know-Who, maybe they're rallying up supporters to fight the Dark side—"

            "Wouldn't that be illegal?" Harry asked, clearly disturbed at his image being used as propaganda.

            "Yes, and don't be ridiculous, Ron, rallying Muggles against You-Know-Who wouldn't do any good. You know, I think we should split up, it'll be easier to find out what's going on that way."

            "Yeah, I could figure out if downstairs we're dealing with Muggles or Wizards." Ron volunteered.

            "Great, now Harry, you and I are either going to ask to see the manager or go downstairs and find these movies. And this is a bookstore so if there's a Harry Potter film, it must have been based on a book or something. What would _you_ like to do?" 

            Ron nodded eagerly.

"Er… are you alright? What do you want to do, Harry?" Hermione asked with concern, noting his lack of response.

"I guess I'll check out those books…" he answered resignedly.

"Ok, great, I'll go talk to the manager." Hermione decided happily, shoving the parchment and quill into her bags and walking towards the staircase.

"Wait! Hermione, do you really think they'd let you…" Harry trailed off. 

It was useless, she had already gone.

-:- -:- -:-

            "Hullo." Ron greeted the girl standing at the end of the line. She looked about fifteen years old, average height, with long, brown hair that looked like it had recently been electrocuted.

            She jumped.

            "Er… hi," she replied nervously. Perhaps he shouldn't have snuck up on her, Ron thought.

            "Hi," he repeated, "I'm Ron."

            She smiled, "Nice to meet you, Ron. I'm Hermione."

            This time he smiled, "Yeah? Funny, I met a Hermione up there too." He pointed up ahead towards the first girl they'd spoken to.

            "Well, about a third of this store is filled with Rons, I hear," she replied, laughingly.

            "Really?" Ron looked alarmed. Maybe he should just cut to the chase, a quick _'So are you Wizard or Muggle?'_ would do. But then if she was a Muggle, she would most likely think he was bonkers; as far as he knew, Muggles didn't know that they were called Muggles. How could he find out, then? The girl was giving him an uneasy look. "So are you… er… have you ever heard of Albus Dumbledore?" he asked, figuring that if she was a witch, she would surely have heard of him.

            She gave him an odd look and then laughed uncertainly, "Well, of course I've heard of him. He's the greatest wizard of all time."

            Ron let out a breath of relief, "Yeah, isn't he? So you know him? Do you go to Hogwarts?" he asked. She was actually very pretty, minus the hair.

            "No, unfortunately, I don't." She gave him a weak smile and looked as though she wanted to end the conversation.

            "Oh, that's too bad. Well, do you learn at home or something? Do you have a wand?" he asked quickly. 

She pulled a polished twig out of her bag and waved it in front of him for a second before shoving it back quickly. It looked thinner and too polished for any wand he'd ever seen but then again, "the wand picks the wizard" – or witch. She looked slightly disturbed at his questions for some reason. He'd have to change the topic to something lighter, he thought.

"So… so why are you pretending to be Hermione?" he asked.

"Why are you pretending to be Ron?" she retorted.

"I _am_ Ron. Ronald Weasley."

            "Well, I'm Hermione. Hermione Granger."

            "Er… _okay_… what's going on? Is this some sort of rally or something?"

            "It's a simple book signing. Try reading the sign," she answered irritably, turning around so she no longer faced him. He tapped her shoulder and stepped out of line so he could stand next to her.

            "Alright, just tell me what's going on. You know I'm not a Muggle, and I know you're not, so you can tell me. What's this about a Harry Potter movie… and books too?" he whispered, grabbing her arm and mimicking the manner with which he'd seen Aurors interrogate suspects on his visits to his father's office. 

            She stared at him.

            "You're bloody bonkers," she said, pulling her arm out of his grasp.

            "I'm serious, just tell me what's going on? Why's everybody dressed up like us? I mean, Hermione, Harry, and me. Who are _they_?" he asked, pointing to the three figures at the beginning of the line, still taking pictures and stopping to shake hands and sign books. She gestured to the nearest guard while he spoke.

            "You're crazy! Please, just leave me alone!" she cried shrilly as a tall man with extreme girth and mustache quickly strode towards them.

            "Is there a problem, Miss?" he asked gruffly, shooting Ron a dark look.

            "Yes, this boy is bothering me. Tell him to go away!" she replied haughtily. 

            "I didn't do anything, I swear! I was just asking her some questions! We were talking about the Harry Potter movies!" he pleaded quickly, hoping this would get him off the hook. The man gave him a knowing look and appeared torn between chuckling heartily and punishing Ron. He pat Ron's back and steered him away from the girl towards the children's section.

            "Now son, I know you didn't mean any harm but, well, sometimes it's best not to be too persistent," he advised kindly. He pat his back once more and wobbled towards the door. Ron spotted the girl watching him from her spot on the ever-growing line, trying to ignore the nasty looks people were throwing him.

            She stuck her tongue out. 

-:- -:- -:-

AN: I'm so sorry I took so long with this chapter. Honestly, I don't think I'll update again until Easter break, which would start on April 16th for me. Thank you for reading this, if you did, and let me know if you enjoyed it and what you disliked in a review.

If you want to sample more of my writing, it's all up at fanfiction.net and my lily/james story, "Turn Me Green, Kiss Me Pink" is up at Schnoogle, while my Tom Riddle fic, "Living the riddled life" is up at TheDarkArts.org.

All are under CurrySpice.

Remember to review!


	3. The Books in Aisle 10

Chapter 3 – The Books in Aisle 10

-:- -:- -:-

            "Excuse me, sir," called Hermione. The tall boy was shelving a new batch of books into the sturdy wooden case and by his nametag, "Hello, My name is Richard, how may I help you?" she sought him out as an amiable employee in a sea of fans. 

            She was wrong.

            "Yes?" he answered stiffly, eyeing her with beady black eyes.

            "Er… may I please speak to the manager?" she asked politely. He went back to squeezing a huge tome into, what looked to Hermione, an already full-to-bursting shelf.

            "No." he answered bluntly.

            Hermione was taken aback.

            "Er… may I ask why?" she asked uncertainly.

            He glared at her. "No."

            "Why?" she asked anyway.

            "Because." he answered. He picked up the cardboard box and moved up the aisle to continue his task in another section. Hermione followed.

            "That's not a reason… may I please speak to the manager?" she repeated.

            "No." he answered, without even sparing her a glance. He pulled a stack of thin, green books titled _________ Through the Ages_ that Hermione looked curiously at as he ripped the clear plastic wrapping off and pushed them into the shelf. His thumb covered the first word of the title. She looked up at the top shelf and saw that they were in the Fantasy section. He picked up his box once more to move on into another section. She followed once more.

            He stopped in front of the Biographies and put his box down to glare at her.

            Hermione was reminded somewhat of Snape as she glared right back.

            "I can file a customer complaint when I _do _see the manager, _Richard_." she threatened, much less confidently than she had intended. 

            "Go ahead." he replied, with a knowing smirk, crossing his arms over his chest. She stood awkwardly for a moment before finding her wits and turning on her heel back towards the line. She was sure to find another employee down there, where many were assigned to keep the crowds under control.

            She strode quickly towards it, letting off steam and delighting in the thought of reporting this Richard character to the manager. She turned a corner and bumped right into someone.

            It was Ron.

            "Ron! Did you get anything?" she asked eagerly. He sighed.

            "Er… I'm not really sure. A girl that I talked to up there pretended to be you and knew all about Dumbledore and Hogwarts and she even showed me her wand. She told me she was home-schooled, though. She's definitely a witch… but I'm not sure about the others… and I don't understand why she wouldn't tell me her real name, or why she called _that_ fellow on me," he pointed at the burly guard sulkily. "Any luck with the manager?"

            "Not a bit. This employee that I spoke to was _so rude!_ He wouldn't even give me a reason for not letting me to talk to the manager! I'm going to complain about him once I find the manager!" she declared resentfully.

            "Bummer. Okay, we'd better split again." Ron decided, looking off to the right, "There's an employee down there. Try asking her."

            Hermione followed his gaze and nodded, "Thanks. Good luck."

            "You too," Ron turned to go but then stopped, "Have you seen Harry?"

            "Nope, I'm sure he's doing fine though." Hermione answered confidently.

            "Yeah, I mean, he's only looking for those books, that's easy enough."

            "Yep, it's no trouble at all."

-:- -:- -:-

            Harry wound slowly through the aisles, sweeping his gaze over the multitudes of books lined neatly on the shelves. He hadn't seen any book about himself yet, albeit he wasn't looking _too_ hard. He would rather _not_ know what was going on at this point. He'd actually started at the very back of the store, with the cookery section, sure that the volume he was searching for wouldn't be lodged next to a book of Indian cuisine. 

He turned at the end of the aisle and entered the vast Science Fiction section. He passed by a boy with flame-red hair and a black trench coat, speaking rapid Japanese into his mobile phone. The boy stared at him as he strolled by, causing him to turn red and flatten his bangs nervously. 

            He grinned at this gesture and gave Harry a thumbs-up.

            Harry ran from the Science Fiction section as fast as he could.

-:- -:- -:-

            "Hi, my name is Ron." Ron introduced himself to an employee named Martha. She smiled at him.

            "I can see that, Ron. I'm Martha," she said with a grin, as Ron stopped himself from panicking at her apparent recognition. "How can I help you?"

            "Er… are you Muggle or Magical?" he asked bluntly, deciding he didn't care if she thought he was crazy.

            "Ah, well I'm a witch of course," she replied, her eyes twinkling and mouth twitching into a smile.

            "Ok, good, so am I. I mean, a wizard." Ron let out a breath of relief, "You're about the only person who's _not_ pretending to be me, Hermione or Harry."

            She laughed. "Well, the Hermione look didn't suit me too well so I thought I'd come natural, you know what I mean?"

            Ron nodded, _not_ knowing what she meant. "Yeah, hehe. So what's going on here, is everybody here Magical?" 

            "Well, I'm sure everybody in costume fancies their self to be Magical. As for the others, well they must be oblivious to it all." she answered kindly.

            "Oh," Ron muttered, looking around at everyone with sudden understanding. Martha watched him for a moment before receiving a message via a headpiece wired to a black box fastened to her belt. She was asked to restock Aisle 7, the '_How to…_' books. With a smile, she walked towards a door leading to a back room and Ron followed, waiting outside awkwardly when she entered it. She emerged a few minutes later holding a crate and looking surprised that he was still there. He followed her to Aisle 7 and stood back while she opened the crate and proceeded to add more books to the shelves.

            "You're an odd one," she stated, glancing at him while he seemed to be thinking while watching her. He looked at her in confusion, "What's you're name?"

            "Ron." he answered, somewhat annoyed at the repetition and then, remembering that he surrounded by imposters, he clarified, "The _real_ Ron Weasley."

            "Oh…er, yes, of course," she said, raising her eyebrows at him. He was debating whether to ask more about the books (which Harry would find out all about, no doubt) or ask whether this was a Wizarding establishment or Muggle, and then find Hermione and show her how very productive his inquiries were. He would rather do the latter, because that would give him an answer and an opportunity to show Hermione how much more efficient he was than her…

            "So… which is your favorite?" Martha asked presently. He frowned in confusion.

            "Favorite what…?"

            "Which is your favorite Harry Potter book, I mean." she explained. Oh no, there was _more_ than one?!? Harry had better tell him exactly what these books are about.

            "Er… the first…" he answered, figuring that there had to be a first.

            "Really? Personally, my favorite is Book 3, I thought the time turner idea, and when they all use it at the end, was beautifully written. My favorite part of Book 1 would have to be when Harry finally gets his Hogwarts letter in that little shack, the way Hagrid was presented and all. What was your favorite part?" she asked cheerfully. 

            Ron couldn't help but panic. Time turner? Harry and Hermione had used that time-turner at the end of their third year to rescue Sirius Black and Buckbeak, Hagrid's hippogriff. If the time-turner was in book 3 that might mean that book 3 coincided with their third year at Hogwarts. He didn't know how Harry had received his Hogwarts letter, but if that was written in book 1, book 1 must coincide with their first year at Hogwarts. Ron blinked. But that would mean…

            What else was in these books?

-:- -:- -:-

            Harry turned the corner into the Best Sellers section, hoping against hope that the books wouldn't be here. He held his breath as he walked slowly down the aisle, nervously glancing at the titles that began with the letter 'H'. He breathed a sigh of relief when he reached the end; sure that he hadn't seen it in there. He turned the next corner into Aisle 10 and stopped dead at the banner that hung above it.

            It read, "The Magical World of Harry Potter" in bright yellow letters against a navy blue background, the 'P' in 'Potter' shaped like a lightning bolt, and an amateur drawing of himself flying underneath on a broomstick, the left arm outstretched, reaching for the snitch that hovered just a few inches from it. Below his image it said, "Welcome to Diagon Alley". The aisle was swarming with people and filled with books, posters, school supplies, and even plush owls, broomsticks, and cats.

            A man pushed past Harry gruffly, bringing him back to earth. He blinked several times and when the same image re-occurred every time, he took a deep breath and stepped in, bracing himself for the horror to come. Upon stepping in, the first thing he saw was a stack of shiny, rubber twigs, with a sign above it that read, "Ollivanders, for the best wands this side of the Forbidden Forest!" and a picture of an old, leering man above it. Harry shook his head and walked passed it, coming to the books. There were several shelves stocked with the same book, in paperback and hard cover. Upon better inspection, not the same book, the same _two_ books. No, wait, the same _three_ books. The same…

            Oh bloody hell.

There were _four_ of them. 

-:- -:- -:-

A/N: This was a quick upload, considering my usual three months between chapters, no?  Well I'm on vacation with nothing to do but my homework, which I'm avoiding, so this came out quick. Let me know what you think!

-Thanks so much for reading-

Ruby

Curry Spice


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